Moving on

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

"Stay, don't go." She said.

"Can you not consider leaving?" He asked.

She tapped my back and questioned me, "Are you seriously going back to Penang?"

"I was like that too, when I first came here, but I decided not to leave." He told me, "So, don't go."

"Why are you returning so soon?" She replied me through text.

I honestly don't know what to say when I heard them telling me that. If you're reading this, you might have an idea of what I'll be writing about today. Yes, going back the place I call home. To the beautiful island, to the Pearl of Orient, to Penang. And why is that so?

Well, majority of it is because of my health. My skin condition, to be exact. You know what they say about acnes in whichever part of your face meant anything to do with your health? Well, I've got a severe case of acne everywhere, every part (except for my T zone). It has been months already, for me to try and recover from this. My dermatologist said it's because of my hormones and that it ain't about stress since it's the lower part of my face that got affected, but really, I believe stress is also part of this problem. 

I went back to Penang for around 5 days and returned to Singapore on the first week of March. Two days later, my skin went crazy again. It reddened and I feel terribly conscious about myself. Back home, it was better and it recovered but once I continued with the lifestyle here, it was back to square one again. My loved ones were mortified as I sent them my pictures. Worried, they call me to come back and live a more stress-free life. I'd love to. 

As I had mentioned before, studying and working in a foreign country at the same time is very difficult. I had thought it as a life that I can balance well until I started my assignments. Not able to attend lectures, I was lost and unsure of what had to be done upon handing in my assignments. With no guidance at all, come to think of it. I had to do my research and rush to finish it during my break. I truly feel sorry to my colleagues, having to see how stressed and anxious I was the entire week panicking to finish up my questions. The entire time was awful, and it was only one/two weeks ago. 

Feelings of unrest walloped upon me as I thought of the marks I will be receiving from my lecturers. My assignments... they weren't done according to my personal standards. I hope they didn't seem rushed and incomplete. Please, I really didn't want to do them that way anyway. All these excuses are invalid as the documents have been already submitted. What comes forth, I'll receive. Right now, I'm still in need to finish my 2nd assignment. Still, I am somehow unsure of whether the formats, citation and my writing style is right or wrong. 

My education is important. It is. Initially, I wanted to come to this modern city to chase my ambition, which is to fly, live an adventurous life and to explore the world. The chase isn't easy though, nothing is. These few months here helped me to evaluate my dreams and what I really want to do. It also helped me to realize how important it is to really be happy. The statement I struggled with last year was "Money buys happiness. Support this.” and I didn't understand what other people were trying to explain to me when explaining this statement. Living here these months however, taught me a lot of things. I found my answer, and really, coming here was definitely worth it. I'll never ever regret my experience here.

Additionally, I've thought of ways to fly and live the life I want to, in a different perspective. I was totally inspired to widen my horizon and change my lens- my outlook towards certain things- after listening to Pastor A.R Bernard's sermon last month. Look, to fly and to explore the world, I can just purchase an air ticket. To live an adventurous life, I can choose a different career path, there's a variety of occupations that are exciting as well. Therefore, I really should think more openly and not limit myself. You too, alright? Don't ever limit yourself and strive to be whoever you want to as well as chase your dreams. But if it's not working, don't be afraid to move towards a different direction to achieve your goals. There are many ways to go for this. There are so many options of directions to choose from. Believe in yourself and don't have this sunk cost fallacy mindset, alright? 

To end this post, I would like to say that I am certain of returning home and focus on my studies, learn a plethora of things, attend lectures, enjoy my University life, and spend as much time as possible with my love ones. And as for money, I've decided to not worry about it too much. Money can be earned, I concluded, but time and health, it cannot be bought. 

And as much as I like Singapore, I really can't stay here for now. Maybe next time. I'll certainly miss this fine country (get it, fine country? lol nvm), the system, the food, and my friends. When things get better, I'll come back! I promise. I'll try to come back whenever I miss this place ahah. Plus, it's only an hour away from Penang. 

I'll still be here for months, and I will certainly enjoy being here while I can. xx

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About Me

I'm Abby Ooi and I was born in Penang Island in 1995. Currently, I'm residing in Singapore. A degree pursuer, traveller, and a croissant addict. Family is paramount in my life.