Moving to another country alone was something I've always wanted to do, but it takes a lot of courage to do so. It's totally different from living with my family as I have to take care of my own space and manage my own savings. Cash in, cash out. All this worries me and I'm somehow anxious when I think of what necessity I have to spend on. Think about it, rental, phone bills, transportation fees, food, household items, clothes, everything. Time plays an important role that I have to manage, such as waking up earlier to take the public transport instead of driving, and time to clean my own space etc.

Whenever I face difficulties here, whether mentally or physically, I keep holding it in. All those emotions. No complaining, no ranting, no voicing them out to anyone. Except to my bestf of course, but she's an exception. Two days ago, I was feeling slightly frustrated when I saw customers making it hard for everyone with their actions. However, I remind myself that I shouldn't be feeling negatively as I've chosen this path. "It's a step of maturity," I'll tell myself, "Brace." Imagine the chest-tightening moment I felt when I thought of what I've left behind to pursue this harsh path… but I won't turn back. I'll keep looking forward and continue to climb the ladder of independence and success. God is with me. He's with me.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Moreover, I am really careful when befriending new faces in a place that has countless of unfamiliar people. As time passes by, I became less amiable to strangers and more circumspect with them. I'm not sure if it's just my changing personality or if it's because I want a new start, or both, but a part of me is afraid I'll associate myself with emotional vampires. Nobody wants to be with takers and insincere people, and neither do I.

Life has taught me to be more on guard with associates. Bad relationships ruin people's lives and it's crucial for us to trust the right people. It has been a while since I settled in Singapore and I've already regretted spilling beans to a few people. Not being smart enough, I've said some things to them about me that is sensitive and I'm really starting to reflect on my choices of words. Not knowing if they're truly trustworthy and sincere, all I can do is just cross my fingers, hope and pray they're as nice as they seem to be. Please, oh please, I pray that these people I call friends can be true confidants. I've met a lots of different people and I'm trying my best to avoid being too close with those who wears me out. Hitherto, everything makes me dubious of people's intention. Tell me, is this good or bad?

In a nutshell, living abroad and starting over might sound nice, and we always think the grass is greener on the other side, but it's not as nice as you think. It's a misconception. Change is not easy but it's definitely worth it when you step out of your comfort zone. At least you're not stuck inside that tiny box. It leaves no space for growth.

I can't believe I'm already experiencing all these within such a short time. I'm trying my very best to keep holding on and be a responsible adult. Will update you guys on my life.

John 16:33

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.