Tight lips friendship

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Of friends and truth

There are some things we want to say to our friends at times, whether it is deemed (to be) appropriate or not. When they say do certain things and behave inappropriately, in terms of social norms, words are threatening to spill from my lips. I wanted to tell them what they've done wasn't right, or that it will be better if they don't act out in certain ways. Some practice dysphemism heavily and although I feel offended with their remarks were, I kept quiet.

I didn't voice out my thoughts.

I nodded my head, speechless.

"Why not?" you ask.

Well, because if I did, that may mean I am not accepting them the way they are. A part of me is also afraid of breaking the bond between our friendship.

"Don't do that, please." I wanted to warn them, but I couldn't seem to find my voice.

But really, who am I to judge them? They seemed happy to be living in the moment and being high in cloud 9. I couldn't burst their bubbles and pour cold water on them. It would be selfish of me to expect them to act on my beliefs. Words like, "Don't"do this, don't do that.", "You shouldn't do so and so", and "Stop it, okay?" are very hard to say. It would obviously be better for me to keep an open mind and support whatever they're doing, I tell myself. But really, if the things they're actioning brings forth bad results, I don't think I'll be able to stomach their condition in the future.

So, really, what role am I playing as their friend now? Rather than someone who listens and accepts them for who they are, I do hope they can ask for my point of view in various situations and evaluate my thoughts as well. Okay, so maybe a handful did questioned my opinion, but I wonder if they will ever recall what I have said before.

If only I can say these, if only.

Please don't backstab your parents. They love you a lot. 

Don't sleep around with them, you wouldn't know what will happen.

I know you're lonely, but that doesn't mean you have to settle for him/her. 

This won't bring you any good, you've got to get over it.

What you're doing won't benefit you in the future, so please... please rethink about this?

Reduce your alcohol intake before things goes upside down.

Smoking ain't gonna reduce your pain and sorrows. Allow me to take you out for donuts! 

Stop hurting him/her because he/she has feelings as well, you're not always right. 

What you say may be true, but what about his/her opinion? He/She deserves to stand up for himself/herself as well. no?

I wish you could start doing things you really want to do before it's too late

It's your life, not your family's. You deserve to do what you want as well. I know you love them a lot, but please try and compromise with them and tell them your thoughts as well, okay? 

I love you but please don't act too selfishly. 

Does it bring you infinite joy from trashing yourself while clubbing all day and night? 

What if you got pregnant and you can't remember who the father of your child is?

What if you're declared the father of a child and you don't even love his/her mother? 

Will you take responsibility?

The numbers in your bank account doesn't determine your self-worth, love. Don't be too prideful and the same time, don't lower too much of your self-esteem because of this, alright? 

Being a psychology student, I learned about the scientific study of mental processes as well as human behaviour and this assists me in understanding people around me more. I studied myself, and noticed my actions obscure my true thoughts when this matter has arisen. Rather than telling them what I really feel, I kept it to myself instead. There are nights where I'll just lay in my bed and weigh out what I know about my friends and try to understand their present self based on their background and their past situations to come to a conclusion of why they are acting the way they are this moment.

The things I woud've said are what they already know, and this is also why I kept quiet. Dear professor, when humans behave immorally, can we term them as someone who's misconducted? And at the same time, what I consider is immoral doesn't necessary mean it is.

It's like, if you already know what you do is unethical

What I'm doing, is it right? I'm still in debate whether I should pretend what they're acting out are normal or if I should advise them to discontinue hurtful actions.

For now though, I think I would just play the safe side and keep my thoughts to myself. Cause not everyone will welcome my opinion and I'd rather be a good and understanding friend than be a close-minded and judgemental one.

We should understand others but at the same time, understanding and accepting them may not mean we must approve their practices. What's Philia? I question too much too often. The bible says, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" (Proverbs 27:6). What am I then? Not saying the truth meant I'm lying, and saying words that benefits but may hurt them may not mean that I am being a good friend as well, no?

I'm sorry for confusing you ahah. Don't think about it too much.

All in all, whatever you do, know that I'm here for you and I've got your back. Maybe I can't fully comprehend why you do certain things certain ways, but I'll try my very best to apprehend it. 

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About Me

I'm Abby Ooi and I was born in Penang Island in 1995. Currently, I'm residing in Singapore. A degree pursuer, traveller, and a croissant addict. Family is paramount in my life.