Reviving from guilt

Saturday, November 01, 2014


Hi. I'm sorry for being MIA for a whole month now as I've just came back from Singapore not long ago and I've started to work at a top retail store. Retail is not easy, I just knew. Especially if it's a top japanese company.

Lately, I've been feeling guilty because of my own selfishness and stupidity. It is as if the decisions I make trouble people around me. Thoughts like, 'I should've done this', 'Why did I ever agree to this?', 'I shan't be so ignorant' and 'I could've done better' constantly disturb me. Guilt has been swallowing me whole for making the wrong decision. It gnawed me. 

I walked the wrong path and it's time to turn back, it's time to change direction. Temptations really are cruel. I shouldn't have given in. Until this day though, I regret what I have done and told myself I should have really think it through before doing something. Why didn't I? If I did this, then this wouldn't happened. And if I did that, that would've happened. 

I'm sorry for taking mc when I should've come to work. I'm sorry for not being alert. I'm sorry for not paying more attention to you. I'm sorry for not taking the initiative to do that. I'm sorry for being not good enough. I'll improve, I'll make everything better despite all these circumstances. 

By writing this, I'm easing the guilt I feel in my heart. I constantly tell myself to not cry over spilt milk, and to keep looking forward and not looking backwards. Whatever happened, let it be. In the future, I'll just be more aware of everything, of what comes forth my decisions, and how it affects me and the people around me.  I'll admit to my faults as I'm also still learning.

I don't want to live in guilt. I really want to change things by going back in time. Well, everyone knows it's not easy and so from this moment on, I promise to really think thrice before saying and doing something. No more drowning in guilt, no more feeling sorry, no more excuses to appease this feeling. It's time to change.

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About Me

I'm Abby Ooi and I was born in Penang Island in 1995. Currently, I'm residing in Singapore. A degree pursuer, traveller, and a croissant addict. Family is paramount in my life.